Lasting change isn't just about running from a bad habit. It's about turning to face a better life, one where your 'why' is so strong that the old ways lose their power.
For many of us, the journey to change a deep-seated habit starts with a feeling of escape. We use things like pornography to numb feelings of boredom, loneliness, stress, or anxiety. The habit becomes a familiar shelter, even if it leaves us feeling empty afterward. And so we decide to quit, believing that if we can just run far enough away from the habit, we’ll be free.
But what if freedom isn't found in running away from something, but in walking toward something better?
A journey defined only by what you are leaving behind can feel empty and exhausting. It forces you to constantly look over your shoulder at the thing you are trying to avoid. True, lasting change is built on a clear vision of the life you want to live and the person you want to become. This is your compass.
Finding Your Compass: What Are Your Values? Before you can walk toward a more meaningful life, you must know which direction to head. Your values are your true north. They are the core principles that guide you and give you a sense of purpose.
Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:
What truly matters to me, deep down? (e.g., Connection, Growth, Health, Integrity)
When I feel my best, what qualities am I embodying? (e.g., Kindness, Discipline, Presence)
What kind of relationships do I want to build? What kind of work do I want to do?
When your "why" becomes clear, it provides the direction and energy needed for the climb. The goal is no longer a negative—"don't watch porn"—but a powerful positive: "I will act in ways that honor my value of genuine connection." This shift changes everything.
Building Your Path, One Step at a Time With your compass in hand, the next step is to start walking. Building a new life isn't a single, giant leap; it's a series of small, intentional steps that you take every day.
Instead of leaving a void where the old habit used to be, you can begin to proactively fill that space with value-aligned actions. This isn't just about "distracting yourself." It's about actively constructing the life you want.
What is one small thing you can do today to honor one of your values?
If you value Connection, could you schedule a 10-minute call with a friend?
If you value Health, could you go for a short walk after a meal?
If you value Growth, could you read one chapter of a book you've been meaning to start?
These actions may seem small, but they are the building blocks of a new identity. Each time you choose a value-aligned action over the old escape, you are casting a vote for the person you want to become. You are building a life that is so much more rewarding than the temporary relief of an old habit.
A life you no longer want to escape from.
Ready to find your compass? This work of self-discovery is the heart of the journey. The Sherpa app is designed to guide you through this process. Our "Who Am I? Journey" is a structured series of exercises to help you clearly define your core values. Then, our "Life Builder" tool helps you brainstorm and schedule small, positive actions that bring those values to life. Download Sherpa to start building your path today.
